When Ted moves to Whispering Pines Retirement Village, he discovers life in the slow lane is very hectic. He's stalked by the village glamour queen, has a fight over his famous chair and finds the village gardener growing suspicious mushrooms in his unit.

Ted's peaceful retirement is turned into chaos when his granddaughter, Terri, comes to stay and Johnno's "gardening video" turns out to be a porno movie.

Ted is at odds with the rest of the village when he refuses to move Neville, his much loved concrete garden Aborigine, during the annual village garden festival.

Joan Collins has erotic plans for Ted, but when Darcy's secret crop of "special herbs" are accidentally mixed into Ted's biscuits, the village line dancing team creates an amazing spectacle at the competition finals.

When the airport flight paths are re-routed over Whispering Pines retirement village, Ted and Johnno fight back with their pigeons.